What Questions Should I Ask on a First Date?
First dates are often exciting yet nerve-wracking experiences. They are a chance to connect with someone new, but the key to getting to know the real them is asking the right questions.
It’s common for people to have a guard up when they first meet on a date, and they want to show off themselves in the best light. So, questions should balance light-hearted curiosity with deeper insights, revealing not only interests but values and personality.
Here’s a guide on the types of questions to ask that will help you get to know the real person on a first date…
1. Focus on open-ended questions
Closed-ended questions, like “Do you like your job?” offer minimal insight, often ending in short yes or no answers.
Instead, use open-ended questions that encourage the other person to elaborate. For example, asking, “What do you enjoy most about your job?” provides space for them to explain their passions, what motivates them, or what challenges they face.
This helps you understand what drives them daily and what their professional life means to them. Similarly, asking, “How do you like to spend your weekends?” can reveal much about their lifestyle and interests.
2. Find out their hobbies and passions
A great way to gauge someone’s personality is by exploring what they do for fun.
You could ask, “What are you passionate about?” or “What hobbies do you have outside of work?” This type of question gets to the heart of what excites them, whether it’s an artistic pursuit, a fitness routine, or a social cause.
Their response not only reveals what they value but can also help you identify shared interests, making it easier to establish a connection.
3. Ask about personal values and life goals
You might have just met, but understanding someone’s long-term goals and personal values is important.
Questions like “What’s something important you’re working towards right now?” or “What are some goals you hope to achieve in the next few years?” reveal not only ambition but also their values.
You’ll learn if they prioritise family, career growth, or personal development. All of this information will help you to formulate an opinion of a person and whether you’d like to explore a romantic relationship.
This also opens the door to exploring how they view relationships. You might follow up with, “How do you typically approach dating?” or “What does a successful relationship look like to you?” These questions indicate how they view intimacy and commitment, helping you see if your relationship expectations align.
4. Explore background and family
Questions about family are often revealing, as family dynamics shape how people approach relationships.
A simple “What’s your family like?” or “How did you grow up?” can offer insights into their upbringing, values, and relationship patterns.
Someone’s relationship with their family, whether close or distant, can give context to how they might relate to you. These questions can also lead to heart-warming or funny stories, deepening your connection.
However, if you sense that they have a complicated or upsetting family situation, park the subject for now and return to it at a point in the future if you decide to continue dating.
5. Avoid topics that could create tension early on
While it’s important to dig deep, certain topics are best avoided on a first date. Sensitive issues like politics, religion, past relationships, or finances should generally be saved for later discussions.
Early conversations are about building rapport and trust, so it’s wise to steer clear of anything that could cause tension before a relationship has a solid foundation.
If you stumble across a difficult and emotionally charged talking point, pull back and change the subject.
6. Ask about their worst habits
As well as getting to know the best of someone, it’s important to know their flaws too.
You could ask “What would your friends or parents say are your worst habits?” and “do you agree with them?”
Someone who can identify and say with confidence things that they don’t do particularly well or could improve on is a good indicator of character strength and authenticity.
Final thoughts
First dates are an opportunity to establish a meaningful connection. By focusing on open-ended questions, delving into passions, values, and backgrounds, and steering clear of potentially polarizing topics, you create an environment where both people can feel comfortable and seen.
The key to a great first date isn’t just about impressing someone with stories or anecdotes but genuinely learning who they are, what they value, and what they want out of life. After all, the more authentically you know someone, the more potential there is for a lasting connection…or a second date!